Monday 26 October 2015

Skin Tanning

There was a young woman who was getting married to the man of her dreams. Her wedding day was approaching fast and she wanted to look her very best for her fiance. She noticed that her fiance preferred Dark skinned ladies, so she was determined to get a good tan before the wedding.

She went to a tanning salon in Abuja and tried to book an hour on the sunbed. The staff at the salon told her that, for her own safety, she could only tan for thirty minutes at a time. After the session, she looked in the mirror and found that her skin wasn’t any darker.

When she attempted to make an appointment for another thirty minutes on the tanning bed the next day, the staff informed her that she could only tan twice a week. After her second session, the woman still wasn’t satisfied with the result.

Fearing that, at this rate, she would never have a proper tan, the woman came up with a cunning plan. If the salon could only give her thirty minutes, then she would book appointments at the other three tanning salon in the city, one after the other.

She spent the next four days going from one tanning salon to another, lying on sunbed after sunbed. Even though her skin was beginning to get a little bit darker, she was worried that it wouldn’t be brown enough by the time her wedding day arrived.

She went to a shop and bought a special brand of tanning lotion. This particular lotion was only supposed to be used by people who had a rare skin condition. The tanning lotion was designed to increase the skin’s sensitivity to light.

She hoped that this would help her skin tan to a lovely golden brown. She slathered the tanning lotion all over her body, letting it soak in. Then she set off for her tanning bed appointments.

Later that day, at the tanning salon, the staff noticed the smell of burning in the air. When they went to investigate, they were horrified to find one of the tanning beds was on fire. After putting out the flames, all that was left on the tanning bed was the charred corpse of the unfortunate woman.

When the autopsy was performed, we discovered that the woman’s internal organs had been cooked from the inside out. By combining the tanning lotion and the sunbed, she had literally cooked herself alive.

The Fiance is getting married to her best friend this morning.

Kope nor mi

Two years ago, a 26-year old man went on holiday to the Le'meridian Ibom Five star Hotel. When he arrived at the hotel, he found everything to his liking.

The weather was perfect, the pool was immaculate, the hotel was high class and the atmosphere was exciting. That night, he put on his most fragrant aftershave, donned an expensive shirt and went down to the poolside bar for a drink.

He spotted a beautiful woman in a revealing, red dress standing at the bar. She was incredibly attractive, with long dark hair, deep brown eyes, tanned skin, full lips, round hips and ample charms. She had it all. The man stared at her and was enchanted by her eyes. So much so, that he instantly fell in love.

Gathering his courage, he sauntered over to the woman and stood next to her at the bar. When the opportunity arose, he leaned in and asked if he could buy her a drink. Imagine his disappointment when she refused and dismissed him with a wave of her hand. It made him crazy! He felt rejected and became very annoyed. It was as if she had stabbed him straight through the heart. He was so disappointed that he returned to his hotel room, hanging his head in shame.

The next night he was back at the bar and he spotted her again. This time, he would give it a second chance.

“Hi, my name’s Prince,” he said, flashing a smile.

“Why would I care what your name is?” she asked.

“I thought maybe we could get to know each other a little better,” he said hopefully.

“I’d rather drown at Ibaka Sea,” was her withering reply.

Again, the young man found himself making his way back to his room, feeling humiliated.
The next day, as he was exploring the village outside the hotel, he walked past an old woman who was selling her wares by the side of the street. He saw that she had a sign that read “Spell Casting & Black Magic”. Stopping at her cart, he asked her if she had something that could make a woman fall head over heels in love with a man.

The woman smiled and told him that she had the perfect solution for him. She held up a small bottle with a heart emblazoned on the glass. It contained a red, syrup-like liquid. She told him that it was a love potion called "Kope nor mi". The man eagerly took the bottle and paid her for it. As he was leaving, the old woman warned him to only put a single drop into the drink of the woman he intended to use it on. Otherwise, she said, he might regret it.

That night, the young man strode into the poolside bar and sat down at the young woman table. He began to speak with her, gently and with confidence. She turned her head as if to avoid it. He took the opportunity to pour the love potion into her glass. In case the potion was ineffective, he poured the entire bottle of "Kope nor mi" into her drink.

Twenty minutes later, the woman turned to him and smiled. Her eyes glittered and her pupils dilated. Before he could say a word, she threw herself on him and began to kiss him passionately. The man couldn’t believe his luck. The love potion actually worked! They spent the entire night in a romantic embrace, kissing and cuddling like newlyweds.

When morning came, the woman wanted to surprise him. So she decided to go to town and get some lovely gifts for him. Unfortunately, the minute she set foot outside the hotel, she was run over by a car. The car tires squished her head into a bloody pulp and she died on the spot.

The young man spent the whole day crying. As night fell, he began to get over her, but he found himself unable to sleep. As he lay in bed, tossing and turning, he suddenly sensed a presence in the room. Turning over, he was horrified to see the ghostly figure of the lady in red crouching down by the door. When she raised her head, he realized that the skin on her face had been ripped off, revealing the bone underneath.

Before he had a chance to react, she jumped on him and began kissing him passionately, mashing her bony teeth and mutilated lips against his mouth. He screamed and screamed, but she didn’t let go until morning. Every night she returned, until the end of his life...

Terrible dream

Rachael was pretty and she knew it.
She could get any guy she wanted.
I knew I didn’t stand a chance with her, but I never gave up.
Every night, the girl would meet a new guy. Sometimes, they would call her back. Sometimes they wouldn’t bother.

Every night, the girl would cry herself to sleep. She hated her life. She hated being used by guys. She wanted to meet a genuine guy, a guy with a true heart who would really love her.

I knew exactly what she was going through. I could see through all her fake smiles, but I never had the courage to speak up and tell her how I felt.

As time went by, the girl became more and more depressed. Even the fake smile on her face began to fade. All of her friends deserted her. They began to spread vile rumors about her. Her heart was broken and her past was beginning to catch up with her.

One day, I finally managed to work up the courage to tell her how I really felt about her. I wanted to take her away from the life she was living and show her what true love was like. I wanted to treat her the way a girl should be treated, with kindness and respect.

I made my way to her house. With every step, I rehearsed what I was going to say to her. I was so nervous. I was dreading what would happen if she turned me down. I hated rejection. I couldn’t stand the embarrassment.

I waited at the bottom of her driveway, unsure of what to do. Then, I saw a middle-aged man come out the front door. As the man walked past, he asked me if I was next.
I didn’t understand and slowly approached the front door. It was open, so I went inside. I saw arrows on the wall, pointing towards the lounge. When I got in, I saw a letter lying on the couch. It read:

"Dear Mom,
I have finally made enough money to help you pay off all our debts. I hope this will make you happy. Mom, I’ve been thinking about something for a while now. I have ruined my life and I just can’t take it anymore. My whole life, all I’ve given you is sorrow. It would be better if I was gone from this world. You are better off without me. I know you will probably be too wasted on alcohol to understand what I am saying, Mom, but despite everything that has happened, I want you to know that I always loved you. What I am about to do is nobody’s fault but mine. My whole life, all I wanted was true love, Mom, but I guess it wasn’t for me. I guess it was never meant to be. Bye Mom, I love you.
Rachael."

I dropped the letter and began desperately looking for the girl. I was worried I might be too late to stop her. Just then, I heard the garage door close. I ran to the garage and found the girl sitting there on a chair. She was holding a knife.

I walked up to her and knelt down beside her. She looked at me and started to cry. Tears of shame flowed down her cheeks.

“All I ever wanted was true love,” she wailed.

I didn’t say anything. I just put my arms around her. I hugged her and held her close. I stayed with her all night and kept her company. I told her I would never let her go. For the first time in her life, she felt loved.

Then, suddenly, I couldn’t breathe. I began gasping for air. The girl asked what was wrong and realized that I had forgotten my inhaler. I was suffocating right before her eyes.

The girl didn’t know what to do. She wanted to run and get help, but she didn’t want to leave me alone, not even for a second. I didn’t want her to leave my side either. I had finally found true love and now I couldn’t bear to let it go.

Finally, the girl got up and tried to go for help, but I refused to allow her to leave. I told her I wanted her to hold me. I said I just wanted to stay in her arms. She sat next to me and held me tight. She kissed me on the cheek.

“You showed me what true love is,” she said. “You can’t leave without me.”

I looked up at her with tears flowing down my face. Then, my eyelids fluttered and my eyes closed. They didn’t open again.

The girl got up and searched the garage, opening cupboards and looking under tables. Then, all of a sudden, something caught her eye. It was her grandfather’s shotgun.

She lay down beside me and covered us with a warm blanket. Looking up at the ceiling, she put the barrel of the shotgun in her mouth and started counting backwards.
10… 9… 8… 7… 6…

All the girl had ever wanted was to feel true love. Now that she had found it, she didn’t want to let it go.
5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

She pulled the trigger. There was a deafening boom and her brains splattered all over the garage and on my face.

Suddenly I woke up sweating in bed. Everywhere was quiet except for my wheezing breath. Then I reached under my pillow and took two puffs from the inhaler.
What a terrible dream!

Spectre’s Mass

There was a young girl named Mariandrel who was habitually late for Sunday morning mass at her local church. She always forgot to set her alarm and wouldn’t wake up in time. Finally, she got tired of her parents telling her off and decided she would never be late for mass again.

Last Sunday morning, Mariandrel woke up at midnight. Unaware of what time it was, she thought she had overslept again and jumped out of bed. She quickly got dressed and ran out the door without ever looking at the clock.

It was still dark outside, but it usually was dark at this time of year. It was very quiet and there was nobody else on the street. The only sound she could hear was the noise of her own footsteps on the pavement as she hurried towards the church.

When she heard the church bell ring, she quickened her pace and took a shortcut through the cemetery. She got to the church just as the service was about to begin. She found a seat and took a look around.

Much to her surprise, she didn’t recognize anyone. The church was filled with people she had never seen before. They were all staring straight ahead and an eerie silence hung over the gathering. When the priest came out to celebrate mass, Mariandrel realized he was a stranger too.

The priest told the congregation to pray for the soul of a young girl named Queen who had died the night before. Mariandrel was shocked. She knew Queen and she had never even heard that the poor girl was ill. Something was radically wrong. She began to feel very uneasy.

She looked around again and, as her eyes began to adjust to the dim light, she saw someone she knew. There was an old woman sitting at the back of the church. Mariandrel’s heart sank when she remembered the old woman had died last year.

Looking towards the front of the church, she saw that some of the people sitting there looked very strange. Their skin seemed to be pearly white. One of them turned his head and Mariandrel discovered to her horror that he was nothing but a skeleton in a suit. Just a skull and some bones.

“This is a mass for the dead,” thought Mariandrel. “Everybody here is dead, except me. It’s a spectre’s mass.”

She noticed that some of them were staring at her. Their eyes were filled with anger. It was clear to her that she had no business being there.
Suddenly, she felt a tap on her shoulder. Nervously, she turned around and found her grandfather standing in the row behind her. He had been dead for three years. There was a worried look on his face. He leaned towards her and whispered in her ear.

“Leave right now, while you still can,” he hissed. “You don’t belong here.”

Mariandrel immediately grabbed her coat and walked quickly toward the door. She heard hollow footsteps echoing behind her and glanced back. The dead were rising out of their seats and following her. Their faces were twisted in fury and hate.

Mariandrel was terrified and she dashed to the door, a pack of shrieking ghosts snapping at her heels. She felt skeletal hands grabbing at her, trying to stop her leaving. She twisted and turned, struggling to free herself from their grasp. Her coat was ripped off and her hat was snatched from her head, just as she managed to slip out the door.

Screaming and crying and almost out of her mind with fear, Mariandrel ran till she could no longer feel her legs... Then she slumped.

Later that day, someone came to the house holding what was left of Mariandrel’s coat and hat. They had been found in the cemetery, torn to shreds, but Mariandrel is yet to be found...

Scarecrow

There was an old farmer in Ogun state who owned the best farm in the area. Everybody said his crops were the best and people came from all over to buy goods from him. Whenever people asked him how he was able to grow such good quality crops, the farmer would say it was all down to his Scarecrow.

"That old scarecrow is the one I have to thank" Said the farmer. "He makes no crows or critters or pests come near my crops".

The old farmer had built the scarecrow himself and it was a fearsome sight. He spent months working on it to make it as scary as possible. He knew how important it was to keep pests away from his crops. So he gave it enormous straw that stretched out about 6 feet and big long legs made it as tall as a tree. But the scariest thing about this scarecrow was it's head.

The farmer carved it himself out of a huge watermelon. He spent countless days and nights perfecting his design until it was perfect. The scarecrow's face and head was so grotesque and ugly that even he was sometimes scared to look at it. But it was very effective, scaring away every rodent and bird that ventured near.

The neighboring farm was owned by two young men who were brothers named Adewale and Femi. They were Lazy & never did much work around the farm which resulted in their crops being bad. They were jealous of the old farmer's success and were plotting against him. If they could drive him out of business they could take over his farm and make more money.

So one night, the brothers decided to sneak onto the old farmer's land. They stole his prized scarecrow and brought it back to their own house, where they stuffed it in their old room so nobody would ever find it.

The next day, the farmer woke up to find his hideous scarecrow missing and all his crops being eaten by rats and crows. He fell to his knees and cried, knowing that his farm would soon be out of business. Meanwhile, the brothers; Adewale and Femi, were watching from their own property and couldn't help laughing out loud when they saw the old man's tears of grief.

Hearing the laughter, the old farmer came over and asked them if they knew what happened to his scarecrow. The brothers looked him right in the eye and said they had no idea where his precious scarecrow might be.
"but you know I'll go out of business and have to sell my farm if I can't find my scarecrow", said the farmer.

Femi just laughed in his face, saying "that's just your tough luck, isn't it?".

The old farmer walked slowly back to his house, his head hanging down in defeat and depression.
That night, as Adewale and Femi had trouble sleeping; not because they felt remorse, but because they couldn't get the image of the scarecrow's horrible twisted face out of their minds. They decided they would never be able to sleep as long as that ugly Watermelon head was in their house. So they got up and dragged the scarecrow out of the closet.

Adewale took a pestle and smashed the scarecrow's head to pieces until all that was left was little bits of watermelon strewn around the floor. The brothers swept up the watermelon head pieces and threw them in the waste-bin . Then they went back to bed and were so fast asleep, having put all thoughts of disgusting scarecrow face out of their heads.

Some time after midnight, Adewale and Femi were awoken by sounds of scratching and crawling at their bedroom door.

"Did you forget to put the dog out" asked Femi, sleepily.

"W-w-w-we don't have a dog", stammered Adewale.

Suddenly the bedroom door burst open and a solitary long straw arm snaked in through the opening. Then a second arm thrashed around, followed by two long stick legs. The two brothers were frozen in fear and could only look with Horror as the headless scarecrow's body rose up on it's long stick legs and it's long arms reached out for them in the darkness.

Adewale felt a cold sinewy, straw claw close around his ankle and screamed as loud as he could. He begged his brother Femi to help him. But femi was already running out of the bedroom. Fleeing in terror, he ran down the hallway, crashed through the front door and unto the moonlit road.

He ran as fast as his legs could carry him, Puffing and panting and screaming at the top of his voice. As he passed his neighbor's house, he saw the old farmer standing at his gate. In the moonlight, he could see the farmer just staring at him with a strange smile on his face.

Femi kept running, his bare feet slapping against the rough gravel road. He glanced back over his shoulder and saw something that scared him to his very soul. He saw the scarecrow running along the road close behind him. It as gaining on him, closer and closer.

And that wasn't all he saw. He noticed that the scarecrow had a brand new head. And it looked a lot like Adewale...

Screaming Nightmare

I can't close my eyes, can't sleep
I know there's something on the creep
Voices from the dead, calling out to me
Open coffins lay across my bed
Its like a screaming nightmare in my head.


Reflections of the devil reflect in the mirror
Way down from the depths of hell
My Blood, My Blood, My Blood is getting thinner
Green flaming eyes look down on me from the ceiling
Ghostly Horror, Such an uneasy feeling
Its like a screaming nightmare in my head.

I'm falling miles below into nowhere
So dark, So cold, down here
Skeletons ride on dead horses
Snakes fly with human corpses
My body burns from want of Oxygen
It's like a screaming nightmare in my head...

Department of Psychiatry

I went out for work all day. When I got back to my little apartment, very far from town, it was almost dark and I was shocked to find the front door was standing open.

Cautiously, I crept into the house and was surprised to see a young lady sitting in my Kitchen.
She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She had a really pretty face and long brown hair that came down to her shoulders. She was wearing a white vest that was tied up over her abdomen and a pair of blue jean that accented her curves...

The young lady said her name was Emem and she was lost. She came to the village to stay at their family house, but had wandered off and couldn't find her way back. She said she had spent all day wandering in the village trying to find help. Meanwhile the parents seldom took her to the village and she could not communicate with the villagers because she can't speak their dialect.

I said that I would help her. But it was too late to go walking through the village. She would have to stay the night in my house and in the morning, I would lead her back to her family house, *not what you're thinking*.

 Emem thanked me and offered to cook me dinner in return for my kindness.
Over dinner, we talked for a while and I was glad to have company. I didn't meet many women, living alone as I did, in this little apartment in the village.

Eventually, Emem started to get sleepy, It was almost two o'clock in the morning. I told her she could take my bed and I would sleep in a chair *Trust me nothing happened*. She climbed into the bed, fully dressed, and before long, was sleeping soundly. She looked like she needed the rest.

I watched her as she slept. I thought she was one of the most gorgeous girls I had ever seen. I wondered if she could fall in love with a man like me. She was the kind of woman I had longed for all my life. Young, Brown-haired and beautiful.

As Emem slept on the bed, I sat on the chair, listening to music on Planet F.m. I kept the volume low so that I wouldn't wake Emem. Then, as I was dozing off, the music on the radio was interrupted by a local news broadcast. The reporter said that the police were combing the area in search of a patient who had escaped from the psychiatry department of a Teaching hospital (in the village I'm staying).

My ears pricked up.
The reporter said that the woman who had escaped was armed and dangerous. She had been convicted of the grisly murders of her husband and four other men and was sent to prison. Psychologist who examined her declared her mentally ill, and she was transferred to the teaching hospital.

However, as she arrived at the hospital, she managed to overpower her guards, using a knife she had stolen from the prison cafeteria. She stabbed them to death and escaped into the woods. The police had been searching for her all day.

On the radio, the gave a description of the crazy lady. She was five foot four, 26 years old, with brown hair and very attractive. She had been wearing a prison uniform when she escaped, but they said she would probably try to steal some cloths to disguise herself. The police warned people to be on the lookout for the crazy lady and advised anyone who came across her to keep their distance.

My blood froze as I looked at Emem, lying there peacefully on my bed. She fit the description perfectly. Young, Brown hair, Beautiful & completely insane. She was the escaped maniac the police were looking for. I was sure of it. And I was sure of something else too. She was planning to kill me while I slept. I wasn't going to let that happen. I knew what I had to do.

Suddenly, I jumped out out of my chair and threw open the front door of the house. Emem awoke with a fright and looked at me, a confused expression on her face. I grabbed her by the hair, pulling her out of bed and began dragging her towards the door. She started screaming and her arms flailed wildly, trying to catch hold of me.

I managed to wrestle her to the front door, then with a mighty heave, I threw her out into the darkness. She landed on the grass outside and immediately came back towards the door. I slammed the China door shut and just had enough time to lock & bolt it before she slammed into it.

I braced myself against the door, expecting her to break it down at any moment. I could hear her outside, pounding on the door with her fist, kicking it with her boots and shouting at me to let her in.
And then I heard a scream -an ear-splitting shriek that made me shiver. It sounded like the howls of a crazy animal. The kind of sound that could only be made by a person who was completely insane.
Then there was a horrible silence...

I could hear something shifting and moving about outside the wooden door. I was shaking with fear, ready for anything. After a while, I noticed a thin trickle of blood coming under the door. Soon, it turned into a pool of blood, flowing across the floor at my feet.

Gathering my wits about me. I slowly opened the front door and was horrified by what I found. Emem was lying there in a pool of blood and a large knife was sticking out of her head.

She was completely naked and her eyes were glazed over. My mind races as I tried to understand the strange scene that lay before me. But, Stranger still, was a neat pile of blue clothing which was siting on the grass beside Emem's dead body.

Reaching over her naked corpse, I picked up the blue cloths and, and turning them over in my hands, I realized it was a blue uniform. There was some black lettering printed on the back. "Department of Psychiatry"

I fell to my knees beside the dead girl's body as I finally understood what had happened. The crazy lady had murdered Emem for her clothes...